Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Let's be honest...

Children are the best reflective surfaces. You can look in a mirror all you want but you will never see as much as you see in them.

My kids are notorious for being loud. Can't handle it? Don't invite me. I do keep a close ear on it but frankly I have volume issues myself. I know the whole "inside voice" thing. Until pre-school came around it was not as important for me to control it at all times. Children being loud when they are playing and having fun does not bother me. Kids need to have good times and don't need to be held to the same standards as adults.
Has anyone ever called me "quiet", "reserved", or "subdued"? Nope.

I have been complaining a lot lately about Natalie ignoring me. When Cara was Nat's age, and younger, she would almost immediately respond. We worked out a little "Marco Polo" kind of game when I needed to know where she was in the house. I would say "Cara say 'Mommy'? and would soon hear "Mommy" from some part of the house.
Natalie could care less. If I am out of the room and ask a question she will nod her head. How do I know that? I saw her do it from around the corner. Most of the time she will just sit there. Even if I am right in front of her I can ask several times and call her name... nothing. I have to touch her arm or block whatever she is entranced in a stare with. I know that boys can be like that. I think it is fine that Natalie is like that really. She is just different but it still throws me off. Until today...
I was walking through Wal-Mart talking to my Mom on the phone with Natalie in the cart. The past few days my mind has been anywhere but here. My mom asks what Natalie wants. I then realized that she has been saying my name repeatedly and I did not react. Just kept on talking and moving. I followed that up by saying "I just don't know where she gets the ignoring thing from".

Reading through some quotes on judgement I saw one that said Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”. That neat little tidbit is from Mr. Carl Jung. You may remember him from Psych 101 class. That could mean we may do the exact things that are annoying to us on the other side of the fence. It also could mean that we can learn about ourselves by how we chose our irritants. We do chose them ya know?! And that is just fine. They are what they are. You either have an apparent reason for it or you just don't know.

My husband is constantly asking me the "why" behind my opinions. Sometimes he gets a list of viable decision making material. Other times he gets "I don't know why, that is just the way it is supposed to be". At least most of the time I can bring myself to say "I don't know". I would rather that than to make up something or use an invalid point and cling to it. I don't like excuses to be used on me so I try my darnedest not to use them. If I find myself struggling to explain my position, most likely it is because I don't know. It is just the way I feel. Emotions cannot be explained. That is why they are generated in the "heart" and not the "head".

Either way, I usually win the fight because I think and talk faster :P

What I want to see reflected in my kids are not rigidly well behaved pint sized adults. I want it to be natural. I want them to be constantly learning. I want them to be polite and caring with others. I don't have goals for them to be perfect students, prom queen or soccer captain. Those things don't serve any purpose for me. I don't care where they go to college, just that they go and pursue a passion.

I am not a rigidly well behaved partially full-sized adult. I could never expect that from them.


  1. Oh my goodness, you are so never invited to my house! :) I have such a sensitivity to crazy loud kids. Seriously, it's like it affects me emotionally and not that I dont like people having fun it's just I can't handle it. It makes me shut down and turn into a mega bitch.

    I'm enjoying your blog. You write marvelously. Are you doing it professionally now or just for you?

  2. Well I promise in most situations my kids are not too crazy. They are good kids. Just loud. They are respectful, or at least I hope so. But Cara imitates the sound Rudolph's nose makes in the movie... yeah, it goes right to the back of your neck! They are good in restaurants and I keep them in check with people I am not comfortable with. Well as soon as I know I should not be comfortable!
    I know what you mean about not being able to handle it. There are some elements of "play" for some kids that I can't handle.

    Thanks for the compliment. Nothing professional. Just saying what is on my mind. The whole point is for people to enjoy it so I am glad you are reading! I definitely respect your opinions!

  3. I adore you and your wonderfully, life-loving kiddos...My adorable nieces!

  4. loving reading what's on your mind and in your head!

  5. I love the next to the last paragraph about what you want reflected in the girls and what you want for them in the future. That's what all parents should want for their kids - to become caring, curious, and passionate about life. The rest will come.

    So glad you're blogging again!